Mix With the Blood
by Claws-Ashes
Summary: Kate dies but her phantom lives on watching over the NCIS family. She lives on earth with the dead and living and there's one thing that makes her happiest; when they remember her. Because that's when she can talk to them. Their imagination is her reality
1. Sometimes You Win

**Hello! Claudia here (AKA Claws or Clai) me and my friend Ashley (AKA Ashes or Azza) are writing this story chap by chap alternating between authors, so there is no knowing what will happen, even for us!**

**Here is my introduction....**  
_  
In my job you get used to the concept of death. You don't like it, or want it, but after seeing it so often it becomes apart of your every day life._

_In my job there's a chance you might die, every time you walk through the door; that every day will be your last._

_When I first met him I thought I could end him. But I couldn't. I hated him from the beginning and I know I always will._

_In my job you learn to live with it. You survive on the adrenaline rush and hope you all make it out alive. _

_Sometimes you win._

_Sometimes you don't._

_The last moments of my life were pure. I had the rush in my body I'll never feel again. I jumped out and fell to the ground._

_I thought I was safe, I thought I could put my guard down and I did. We all did._

_Some might find it ironic that when I felt my life was safest I died; that when I was making a joke about death I was murdered._

_My sentence hung half finished. I felt the bullet hit my face and protrude into my scull and brain, the back of my head exploding with force and blood._

_I felt my head and neck snap back, and my knees fail. I hit the ground again, to never stand up._

_I knew I was dead._

_I felt Tony standing frozen, and Gibbs walking around pointing his gun. _

_I heard something I knew the others couldn't; I heard him. "Sorry Caitlin."_

_I heard Gibbs, and I knew he knew. "Ari."_

_I saw Tony bend down next to me, my blood on his face. He whispered my name, he looked so broken. Tears swelled in his eyes and drip down his face to mix with the blood._

_We had lost._

_I wanted to hold him; to tell him I was alright. But I couldn't. Gibbs turned and looked down at me sadly. He looked at Tony. "Tell her." He spoke, his voice barely audible though I could hear it easily. "Tell her." He said again with more force in his voice._

_Tony looked down at me. "I love you, Kate." He whispered. He raised his hand and pressed it to his lips, kissing his fingers. He then lowered them to me. I could feel his fingers pressed to my lips but I couldn't move, though I wanted to._

_I sat up and looked down. My body was there, Tony's hand still at my lips. I could see my body and myself. I was transparent. A phantom._

_I looked over the way and saw Ari on the roof opposite, slowly walking away; Coward._

_I looked at Tony and it sunk in. I was dead. I would never breathe again. I would never be able to tell my family at NCIS goodbye. I would never be able to tell them I loved them._

_This is my story…_

_This is my after life…_

**Please review!**

~~Claws


	2. All He Could See Was Her

This is an Ashes chapter (though Claws helped....)

**All He Could See Was Her**

Tony's eyes were glazed, staring out the window at the world which passed him by. Kate was gone. It wasn't right, it wasn't _fair_ for it to be her. Anger lay dormant inside him, as dead as the rest of his body. Numb.

Maybe he was in shock. He thought clearly, at least it seemed clearly. But his perceptions – time, life… They were screwed to hell. He couldn't understand why everything seemed to be moving ten times faster then he was, why everything from that moment, that split second of the bullet passing through his -

His thoughts broke of, and his mind went blank for a moment. He couldn't even think of her as anything-

Anything like what she had been.

Blood, that little spray of glistening rubies stark against his skin. He couldn't get the image out of his head, that look of surprise she wore as she'd collapsed as if moving through syrup. He'd wanted in that moment to catch her before she hit the ground. But he'd been as slow as everyone else.

Gibbs. She saved Gibbs the first time. That risk in itself, that should have been enough – but no. No, at her weakest moment, she'd been struck too.

Was that always the plan? Ari had wanted to kill Gibbs. They had had warning for Gibbs, Gibbs was… well…

But Kate. Shot in the head like a whore who'd owed some high-powered drug lords a lot of dough. Or maybe high-powered terrorists; who knew with women these days?

Tony leaned his forehead against the cool glass, letting the sun blind him.

And pathetic as it seemed… all he could see was her.

_Tony_, he chided himself. Possibly for the first time, he decided not to turn this into a horror or a porn story in his head. Or a mix of both. That would be – _no!_ This was _Kate_. It was… Kate. He shouldn't think of her like that. He could see her now, glaring at him. Icily, of course. She could read his mind – damn it.

"That's cheating," He growled at the empty air – startling McGee a little.

She could always tell.

Two little tiny tears rolled down his cheeks. Nothing dramatic. No single tear to set free his emotions, no bursting of the floodgate of manly pride. So… just a few stray tears, it was all he could handle. Any more and he knew he would break down. Break down… and with him would come Gibbs. He was so strong, but Tony knew, Gibbs blamed himself.

Those first few tears were joined by another, and another. A small sniffling breath escaped, and Tony coughed to cover it. He wanted to be strong, for Tim, for Gibbs…

For Kate.

**~~Ashes**


	3. A World of Hurt, Pain, and Regret

ok, here is chapter 3, by Claws

**Chapter 3 – A World of Hurt, Pain, and Regret**

What Tony didn't know as he sat in the car mourning Kate, is that Kate sat right next to him. She could sense his thoughts. She could feel his pain burning through her like a fire.

Suddenly she felt his thoughts shift; she sat on the dash board in front of him and felt a wave of horror and porn, all this sexual tension threatening to rise up, she glared at him and he looked her in the eye.

"That's cheating." He growled,

Kate gasped and jumped- right through the windscreen. For a second, only a second, it was like he was talking to her, like he could see her. It sent a chill through her spine, or it would have if she was alive.

_In my job you get used to the concept of death; but that doesn't prepare you…_

She saw two small tears fall from his eyes.

"Oh Tony," she whispered. She knew this was hard, she could feel all the emotions in the car, each with their own uniqueness. Tony was strongest. Then Gibbs. McGee's was wavering. She supposed it had something to do with emotional connection or something else 8iuuuuubizarre like that.

If this was heaven, she never wanted to see hell.

She felt a pull and found herself sitting Indian style in the back seat, next to McGee,

"Why so glum Tim? Like I said yesterday, we're NCIS agents. There's a chance one of us might die every time we walk through the door."

McGee looked at her with puppy eyes, "Why was it you?" He whispered under his breath, so quiet the others didn't hear.

"Because it was my time to go. Life's a bitch, McGee; it makes you safe then knocks you down."

The car stoped suddenly. They were outside McGee's flat.

"Boss?"

"I want you back at NCIS in two hours." Said Gibbs, it was the first he'd spoken after calling Ducky,

"Yes boss." McGee left the car and watched as it sped of.

Ten minutes later Gibbs stopped out side Tony's apartment building.

"Two hours."

Tony nodded and wiped away the tears he knew Gibbs could see. He got out of the car and Kate followed.

Walking inside, Tony went straight upstairs.

He didn't bother with the cold water, just turning it on as hot and as powerful as it went. Then, stepping under the jet of steaming water, he allowed his head to droop forward, meeting with the cold tiles – he didn't even bother to remove his clothes. They needed a good clean anyway.

The water stung. He felt himself burning. But it felt… good. He needed the pain. He needed this drag back to reality. It scrubbed away the memories just for a minute, just for a brief moment of respite. And that was all he needed.

Soon he was crying into the wall. Once upon a time he would have said 'DiNozzo's don't cry', but it didn't matter now. He cried it all away, scouring his body inside and out, burning that horrible picture film in his head. He tried to cry away all his aching sadness, but when the tears finally slowed, and it was once again only tap water burning his eyes, he just felt empty and silent.

But it wasn't silent.

There was a sound… what was it?

It sounded like…

Someone brushing their teeth?

His head reeled, and he quickly pulled back the shower curtain, clothing plastered to his skin, hair plastered to his face.

"Kate?" He whispered. He could see her. She was in front of the mirror, toothbrush in her mouth. Wearing her underwear and a delightful singlet he remembered from a trip to that... iguana infested place. He couldn't think of the name right then… and wasn't sure he wanted to.

"Don't use up all the hot water, 'cause you've been in there forever." Teased Kate,

"Wha'? How long have you been there?"

"Long enough to know that you've forgotten to how to take a shower. You see Tony; sane people don't shower in their clothes."

"You're just looking for an excuse to see me naked."

"I've seen it before." She smiled coyly, and laughed as he blushed, his hands automatically covering his clothed privates.

"Why are you here?"

"How the hell should I know? I'm dead, but yet here I am. You saw me earlier, in the car. You and your dirty mind." She glared again.

"I can't help that." Still red-faced, Tony moved his hands – one bracing him up against the wall, one clinging to the curtain.

It represented his current state of mind well that, metaphorically of course. His hands were shaking. And still he wanted to be strong… He wanted to make sure he couldn't cause anyone more anguish then they had already gone through.

"Tony pull yourself together, I'll stay here as long as I can, but I doubt I can control it." Her tooth brush was gone and she walked towards him,

"So… so you're real?"

"As I can be." Said Kate; pulling at the shirt that gave her little to no dignity, "Now we need to get you out of those clothes."

Tony grinned, "Let's hit the showers."

He stripped and adjusted the water to soothe his red raw skin; He felt a hand on his back and jumped.

"I'm insane."

Kate was staring at her hand, "I don't understand this."

"I'm going mad."

"Why can I touch you? I'm… I'm dead…"

* * *

_The thing about death is that it isn't real. It's a step forward into a world of hurt, pain and regret._

_Sure there are the few happy moments, but I suppose they're rarer when you're the victim of murder._

_Tony was staring at me, scared, and I understood._

_I couldn't read his thoughts, but I could read his emotion; his mental aura._

_This thing we call death is superficial. A fantasy. I turned and walked away in the last clothes I wore, not that it mattered._

_In death clothes are nothing important, what shows you for you is who you can read, who you can feel, who can remember you the longest._

* * *

"Kate? Kate, oh god, please no." Said a voice, Kate turned and gasped, there stood Major Tim Kerry,

"Tim? You're dead." She said,

"Obviously so are you. I can't read you, not that I could very well anyway."

"Tim what is going on?"

"Haven't you been told?"

"Been told what?"

"That this is it. This is the after life."

"What?"

Tim sighed, "Kate, after you die, you come here, you can choose to leave anytime, some prefer to stay up in the clouds; they seem to be the religious ones, still believing that God will take them to paradise. Or you can set your spirit free; recycle your life into another."

"Can I stay here?"

Tim laughed, "Of course! It can get depressing though."

"Tim… Before, I was… I was talking to Tony… I touched him. How is that possible?"

"You've contacted them already? As you get stronger the more you can connect to the living. They only see you when they imagine you. They can't touch us, but we can touch them."

"But why?"

There was a pause.

"So we can live again… even just for a moment, we can feel that rush that only comes with life."

_Death is nothing anyone ever expected.  
_

**~~Claws**

**Review please!  
**


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